I am a proud feminist raised by another proud feminist.  That doesn’t mean I hate men–I love men.  They are my brothers, my lovers, my colleagues and my friends.  I think they’re funny, smart, confounding and fascinating.  But they also do a lot of stupid shit like using women for their own selfish reasons.  Still, I don’t think every man should burn on a pyre for making a sexist joke or slapping a woman on the ass at work.

Let’s be straight here– I don’t use the phrase “witch hunt” lightly.  Knowing my feminist history, researchers have estimated that millions of women have been burned, drowned or otherwise tortured and murdered over the centuries under the accusation of witchcraft.  Most of these women wouldn’t know a witch if it hit them in the head with a  broomstick.  These women were accused because they didn’t follow societal norms of the day.  They spoke out at injustice, they questioned authority, they practiced medicine.  They didn’t stay in their place–they didn’t conform to the idea that a woman’s only purpose was to get married, have babies and keep their mouths shut.   Up until recently (our mothers’ generation,) women weren’t allowed to own property, have their own money or control their bodies.  And there are plenty of places around the world where they still can’t.

Women are angry now and have every right to be.  We continue to be underrepresented in government, business and media.  We represent over 50% of the U.S. population, but only have 20% of the power in these power structures.  We do not have an equal voice at the table with men.  We are pathetically falling behind the rest of the world (which we often think we’re superior to) in our representation and our so-called progressivism.  This is where our outrage has failed us and has led to an unfair witch hunt.

Harvey Weinstein has been one of the biggest players in Hollywood for over 20 years.  He ruled over the careers of many young women (and men) during that time.  He has been accused by dozens of women of threats and predatory behavior.  He is married to one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen, Georgina Chapman, who is also an intelligent, powerful and talented fashion designer.  But that wasn’t not enough to satisfy him and keep his bathrobe shut–or maybe his lovely wife was his cover to lull his victims into a false sense of security so he could continue his crimes.  Weinstein was a well-known “secret” in Hollywood.  Jokes were made about his sexual harassment on TV awards shows.  His power and his success–and white male entitlement–made him immune to accusations and prosecution.  One of his victims even wore a wire, went back into the lion’s den and got him to admit to his guilt on tape for police.  Weinstein was still not prosecuted.

On inauguration day, we woke up to a country that had turned back the clock to 1950.  We channeled our outrage and marched in record numbers against the country’s biggest predator, Donald Trump.  He has bragged over and over about going after underage girls and women weaker than him.  He has been accused by over 20 women of rape, including his ex-wife, the mother of three of his children.  He has been sued three times by the same victim who accuses him of rape when she was 13 years old.  She has dropped the lawsuit because of death threats.

We cannot go after the biggest predator in the U.S., so we are going after the low-level offenders.  It has been speculated that Weinstein’s head is now in a noose because he isn’t as powerful as he once was.  Caught up in the hysteria of sexual titillation, we have lost nuance and perspective.  We want them all to burn–but not everyone should.  Shades of gray are being overlooked.  There is a big difference between a powerful predator threatening a weaker woman’s life, career or reputation and a stupid man making an inappropriate joke or grope of a coworker.

Senator Al Franken should not have to resign for being photographed while pointing at a woman’s breasts.  Actor Kevin Spacey shouldn’t be recast in a film or lose his TV show because he made unwanted advances towards another man at a party.  Comedian Louis C.K. definitely needs psychiatric help for exposing himself to female colleagues at work meetings, but I don’t believe it’s at the same level as what Weinstein did over his decades in power.  Comedians Aziz Ansari, Garrison Keillor and many other men in the media are being raked over the coals for inappropriate behavior.  We may not like them or we may think they deserve it, but as a feminist, a progressive, and a victim of this behavior, I think we have gone too far in our witch hunt.

We are not serving the movement properly by throwing our own on the pyre.  The Democrats in Congress have made an astonishing misstep in thinking that if they sacrifice their best, the Republicans will do the same.  It will never happen.  They are dancing in the streets that Franken, who is a powerful voice for the underdog, has given up quietly.  These unrecognizable Republicans, who sold out their morality, ethics and patriotism by getting into bed with Putin to win an election, couldn’t care less about sexual harassment.  It’s not a cause that will line their pockets, so why bother?  The only ones who suffer are the underdogs who will lose a champion like Franken.

I  don’t dismiss or ignore the suffering of the women under these men.  Like them, I am a victim of sexual predation because I am a woman who works and lives around men.  I am a part of #Me Too and #Times Up–most women I know are.  I have been in the workforce for 30 years, which means I have been sexually harassed, propositioned and inappropriately groped at just about every job I’ve had.  Still, there is a difference between being offered a raise if I sleep with the boss or threatened with firing if I don’t (sexual harassment) and propositioned by a coworker or slapped on the ass and told I look cute in a skirt (inappropriate, but not on the same level!)  We need to take a step back and realize the difference before we ruin more men’s lives.  This is not justice, this is more like revenge.  We cannot go after them they same way they go after us.  We have to be bigger than that.

Being a feminist doesn’t mean being a Feminazi or a Maneater.  We’re supposed to be grownups here, so let’s not name call.  Being called a feminist should not be the same as being called a dirty word.  Being a feminist just means that I want the same opportunities that men have been entitled to and have taken for granted for centuries.  Maybe men are afraid of the competition of women or maybe they are afraid that we will become the aggressor like they have been.  Let’s make this clear:  we don’t want to emulate men by becoming the aggressor once we are finally given a right to the power that men have enjoyed.  I don’t believe the oppressed has to become the oppressor.  As a woman still fighting for a place at the table of men, I don’t want to barbecue them for dinner.  I want to share the bounty with them.